Falling In Reverse
by Muse360
Summary: "You will never forgive me until you learn to forgive yourself." He told me. "And I love you brother, I always will." *Some Thor/Loki Romance*
1. Chapter 1

**I read something about Loki this morning and I thought I should capture it in a fic.**

**Loki's POV: Asgard.**

Sitting in that cell was like sitting across from your conscience; a ghost almost, reminding you what you had done and telling you there was no way of taking it back. The deaths at your own hand were scarred into your mind, and would be there for the rest of your life, and the lives of those you had destroyed. I just wanted what my brother had; love, adoration, and most importantly peace of mind. From the moment Odin had revealed to me my true parentage I was not myself.

All those years of wondering why Thor was more loved than me finally became known. From the girl that rejected me to Thor's friends who had bullied me because of my size. It all made sense; I was small, so small in fact, Laufey wouldn't even claim me as his son. I was cast out on Jotunheim and here on Asgard. I didn't pity myself; I knew what I was in here for. I knew what I did was wrong, and once again I will pay for my wrongdoing.

"Loki." I heard the voice rough, but subtle; not angry. I met the eyes of the foe that tore the most from me, ripped my dreams to shreds; Thor.

"What do you want?" I glared into his eyes; hatred flowing through every vein and artery in my body. I wanted him to see and feel that hatred. I wanted him to learn what it was like to be despised by everyone and to be lost in a sea of uncertainty.

"I wish to speak with you." My brother approached my cell, carefully almost as if he wasn't sure if it weren't stable enough to hold me.

"Why?" I asked impatiently. He never acted like this, and he came to visit me every day. And every day I would be uncooperative with him. "You wish to speak with me almost every day, and what do I tell you?" I hissed.

"Brother, I have made a deal; one that could get you out of here for good." He told me.

I rolled my eyes. "What have you done? You didn't make a deal with anyone who would ruin your spotless reputation did you?" I said sarcastically, pretending to be concerned about his well-being.

"No Loki. I made a deal with Director Fury."

I was already coming up with a snide remark when my heart stopped. "Director Fury?"

He nodded and sat by my cell. "He is willing to get you out of here if you agree to work for him."

I laughed out of anger, remorse and legitimate humor. "Why should I believe you?"

"Ask Odin, Fury spoke to him." Thor said.

"I don't want to ask Odin, I don't even want to look at him." I spat. "The old man who still believes he's the wisest in the nine realms."

I looked down at my feet. I knew he was staring at me, searching for some explanation for my anger. "What are you staring at Thor?!" I demanded between clenched teeth.

"I miss you."

Momentarily I wished I was released from my cell so I could strangle him. "You miss me? Really?"

"Yes." He said sincerely, and I knew he meant it; which just angered me more.

"If you truly missed me Thor, you would have had me out of here a long time ago!" I banged the glass as hard as I could, "WHICH MEANS YOU'RE LYING TO ME! YOU DON'T MISS ME AND YOU NEVER WILL!" I yelled, nearly shredding my vocal cords. "I HATE YOU!"

I saw the hurt in his eyes; that kicked puppy look and it pleased me. It gave me purpose. "Loki, I love you. I have always loved you; do you honestly expect me to stop now?"

Despite myself, I began to cry. It angered me that Thor could stay so calm when I was so out of control. I hit the glass with my fist again in frustration. I was such a mess; I needed that nightshade mixed with clover. My prison friend once put it in my tea and I flew above the clouds into a land of my own. A land where I didn't have to face my life or anyone else's. I craved it now.

I felt my stomach mix around; the nausea that usually came with speaking to the older God. This time it was much worse, I actually felt the food come up my throat.

"Guards!" Thor yelled. "Come quick, he is going to be sick!"

I retched into the bucket as soon as it was placed before me. Thor was holding my hair behind me. "Are you nervous?" He asked me.

"It's not nerves." I told him with a shaky voice, "It must be food poisoning."

"You never get food poisoning." Thor said. "You are healthier than I."

"I don't know." I sighed, then puked some more. In fact, if it weren't for my puking, I wouldn't have let Thor get near me. Right now, however I needed him and I was happy to have him by my side.

When I finally stopped throwing up, Thor forced the nurses to give me medicine. This was the first time in months I had tasted anything other than tea that got me high and prison food.

"You will come with me to visit Odin tomorrow. We will speak to Fury about this deal." Thor told me. "Attendance is mandatory."

I nodded, too tired and sick to care about anything. I just wanted to sleep and Thor's constant blabbering did not help me at all.

"Will you be alright?" He asked me.

I nodded. He kissed my head and drew me into his arms, and as much as I wanted to shove him away, I didn't. I leaned against him a little, thankful for his love. I hadn't felt it in a long time. As he walked out of my cell I called his name. He turned around, curious to see what he had to say.

"You are welcome brother." He smiled at me.


	2. Chapter 2

Sleep came slowly at first, weighing down my eyelids and gnawing at my body to relax. Sleep was my best friend, the only one who would visit me at night and comfort me. Tonight however, sleep made me anxious, telling me I'd miss something if I dared close my eyes. I fought against it when it attempted to overtake my mind, yet I welcomed it when I became restless. Sleep wasn't sure what to do with me.

"_I miss you." _His words echoed through my head. _ "Loki, I love you. I have always loved you; do you honestly expect me to stop now?"_ I shut my eyes tighter those words created envenom like I'd never felt before; a reminder of my reprehensible actions on Midgard. Inexcusable.

I see love in his eyes, how could anyone love me after what I'd done? I saw happiness and a sense of comfort in them. I flashed back to when we were kids; we felt invincible we were the Princes of Asgard; nobody dared stand in our way. _"Come Loki," _Thor pulled me away from my enemy._ "Do not waste your time on such a person; he is a thief, a liar and he is not welcome in our kingdom."_ But _I_ was a thief, and _I_ was a liar. _I_ did not belong in our kingdom. I once broke something in a spell shop, and father blew up in my face, calling me worthless, and saying that he refused to raise such a detrimental child. I remember being so angry that I shut myself in my room for six hours. Thor came in constantly bringing me food and water. Wiping my tears from my face and putting an arm around me he said, "_Father didn't mean anything he said. I asked him myself, he wishes to apologize to you."_

I scowled. "_I never want to speak to him again!"_

Thor just pulled me closer. _"You must forgive him as he forgives you. You must forgive everyone who forgives you."_

* * *

A pair of strong arms lifted me off the ground. "Brother, why are you crying?"

I opened my eyes to Thor looking down at me. I wrapped my arms around his neck for support. "I don't know, nightmare I guess." I stood to my feet.

"We have a long day ahead of us. You must get ready." He told me. "I have picked out your clothes for you." He held my favorite tunic in one hand. I couldn't help but to smile a little.

The guards let me lose and Thor escorted me to the castle. People stood outside talking amongst themselves, trying their hardest to get a glimpse of the biggest felon in the nine realms. I glared at them all until they backed off.

"Loki, smile. You are out of jail, you get a second chance, why are you staring them down like they are Frost Giants?" Thor asked me.

I looked down at the floor, thinking through all the unresolved issues that took place on Asgard. Perhaps they needed a smile; but I was not going to give them one. Thor met my eyes; they were confused and yet laced with concern. "Loki, please tell me what's wrong."

I shook my head. "Why burden you with more of my problems?"

"Loki, you do not burden me." He put his arm around my shoulders. "You have never burdened me. Are you scared of Odin?"

"No! Why would I be afraid of an old man?" I spat.

"He is the all father Loki. I don't blame you if you fear him." He said.

"Why? Do _you_ fear him?" I asked.

"Yes."

* * *

Our mother stood next to Odin on the throne. She smiled at me; I never had any problems with my mother so I smiled back.

"Loki." Odin stood.

My smile faded instantly.

The man approached me, "My son, I have been waiting for you." He tried to touch me but I backed away.

"Stay away." I hissed. "Don't you _dare_ touch me."

"Brother, there is no need to be hostile." Thor reminded me. "He has missed you as well."

"No he hasn't!" I protested. "He's been plotting his revenge and feeling sorry himself that he had to raise such a "detrimental" child!" I yelled. "HE HATES ME AND I HATE HIM!"

Thor sighed. "Loki? Do you need some time to yourself before we discuss this?"

"LET ME WRING HIS NECK!" I demanded, shaking with rage. Odin smiled, clearly amused.

"Excuse us for a moment, father." Thor pulled me away, his strength no match to my weakness. I struggled against him as he pulled me to the end of the hall. "What is the matter?"

"Odin! He is here to make all my faults known to me and to everyone on Asgard." I said.

"No, he's not! He's here to welcome you back into the kingdom; it has been two years since your incident, he is not here to rub it in." Thor's electric blue eyes dug into my soul as they did so often. I began to tear up again. I did not know why I was being so emotional; all I knew was that something inside me hurt. Thor's eyes softened from confused to caring. He pulled me into his arms which I reluctantly accepted.

When I had calmed down enough I looked up into his eyes. "Why is this happening to me?"

"I don't know, but," He looked down at me, his loving eyes almost making me cry harder. "Loki, I am here for you, I always will be." I tried to pull away from his eyes, but he pulled me back into them, "Brother, I won't let anything happen to you. Do you not trust me?"

"I don't know who to trust." I answered. "I would love to believe that you won't backstab me."

"How can I earn your trust back?" He asked me.

"Why do you care?" I shot back. "I am a felon; you don't even know me anymore."

"I may not, but I _love_ you. You are my brother, by blood or not." He said. "Why is that so hard for you to accept?"

"Because I don't deserve it." I said plainly. Thor's eyes became more hurt than I had ever seen them.

"You think that you are not deserving of my love?"

"I'm not." I shook my head. "Especially you. I hurt you."

"And I hurt you, so therefore I am not deserving of _your_ love." He told me.

"No, don't put this on yourself Thor. Please." I looked down. "Just let me handle this."

"No, not by yourself." He shook his head. "Let me help you."

"I AM UNFIXABLE THOR? CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT?"

"WE HAVEN"T EVEN TRIED!" He yelled back. "AND YET HERE YOU ARE, GIVING UP ALREADY!" Tears welled up in the God's eyes. "Why are you cutting yourself short?" He whispered that last part.

I began to panic, Thor never cries and when he does, that means he's seriously hurt. I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, you're right. We'll try this together." I smiled comfortingly at him, anything to get him to stop crying. He took my hand in his and I held it, trying to piece my sanity back together.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello, did any of you see the new Thor trailer? I found it really sad that Loki says "After all this time, **_**now**_** you come to visit me, brother." It looks amazing can't wait to see it! **

**(SPOILER ALERT!) **

**Also, check out this new series called Agents of Shield which is indeed post avengers! Coulson does survive and I will explain how: **

_**In the plot, it is revealed Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) "the ultimate super spy", faked Agent Coulson's death on purpose to motivate The Avengers. Some S.H.I.E.L.D. members were in on it (including, possibly, Maria Hill played by Cobie Smulders) but The Avengers were not. Their security clearance wasn't high enough. Coulson was forced to hold his breath as part of the ruse and that's a point of contention among his colleagues. After the fact, Fury moved him to a remote location until things died down, and then he was reinserted into duty at the time of the show."**_

_** -**_** Slash Film**

**I don't really understand how that happened since I saw the scepter go completely through him, but whatever. *shrug* Next chapter! Enjoy!**

**Please Review!**

* * *

Looking into my father's eyes made me want to scream and throw things around, but I stayed still. Thor's hand on my shoulder provided just enough protection to calm my nerves and keep my stomach from being upset.

"Loki, we have a very important task for you to complete. Director Nick Fury will recruit you based on the results of this." My father told me. I could feel my breath shorten significantly. "It will require you to return to Jotunheim."

If my father had said anything after that I didn't hear it, all I heard was chatter. Jotunheim, was he insane? Why in the nine realms would he send me back to place I was rejected at birth? I silently fumed. Odin; always thinking about himself. He never cared that you might have some personal issues going on about your birth place. Images of Frost Giants flashed into my mind; hatred welled up in my chest and I felt like crying all over again. The world swirled around me until at last I fell into a peaceful darkness.

* * *

A cold cloth was being dabbed on my forehead. Someone to the side was holding my hand. I opened my eyes and a sea of dizziness swept over me. "Hello?"

"Brother," Thor's voice responded. "It is I."

"What happened?"

"You passed out when father told you about Jotunheim." He told me. I realized that it was he who was holding my hand; he stroked it gently with his thumb. Something about that gave me goose bumps.

"Are you cold Loki?" He asked me. "You have goose bumps."

I shook my head. "I'm not cold. I'm just worried about this 'task." I met my brother's eyes. "I can't go back to Jotunheim, especially not alone."

"But you won't be alone." Thor looked up at the nurse who nodded and walked out of the room. "I am coming with you."

I broke into a smile. "To do what?" I gripped his hand tighter.

"We are going to find Laufey."

"I though Odin killed him." I said.

"I did too, but even Odin ha secrets. He spared Laufey in hopes that one day you will be able to speak with him and resolve dome things." Thor announced. "It confuses me too, but this is what we must do."

I nodded "I know. We don't have a choice."

Sif was not at all happy to see me. She smacked me across the face and swore at me before I even got to say hello. "You bastard! I cannot believe you led an army against Midgard!"

"Nice to see you too." I griped, rubbing my palm against my cheek.

"Sif," Thor warned. "Do not touch him again."

"I'm sorry." She sat down and sighed. "It's just been a while and a lot has changed here. Do you know what you put us and your mother through Loki? She was devastated, hell, she tried to-."

"SIF! We do not speak of that!" Thor cut her off.

"Speak of what?" I asked. I hated not knowing things.

"Nothing." Thor put a hand on my back. "She was not supposed to say that."

Sif stood up suddenly and kissed my cheek. "I missed you, we all did. It took a huge toll on everyone." She looked into my eyes. "What happened to you?"

I started to choke up, an "I don't know," was all I could manage.

She shook her head. "Well, I don't know either."

We stood in silence for a moment.

"We leave tomorrow Loki." Thor told me. "And Sif is coming with us."

* * *

Sleep was no longer my friend. Sleep taunted me; made me angry. It wasn't fair, not fair at all. Thor slept next to me since Odin had rented out my room to Heimdall. Sleeping in Thor's bed was a much better alternative than sleeping on the floor. I was much more relaxed and now that Thor was here with me, there was no need for my nightmares to haunt me.

Instead I dreamed of Tony Stark and Bruce and most importantly, Clint Barton. I dreamed of making amends with him, I could see his smile. It was warm, inviting and forgiving. Even though I knew this wasn't going to be a reality, it was nice to finally sense some peace within myself. Tony Stark had been having anxiety attacks; from what Thor's told me. I wanted to make them go away. Deep inside, past all my pride and cockiness, I wanted to make it right with the world; I wanted to prove to Nick Fury that I was capable of good. I owed this to myself.

I rolled over, hoping to shake the drowsiness off, but instead I became drowsier as Thor's body heat hit me. He was always hot when he slept. I felt safe sleeping next to him; for the first time, I actually felt safe and it felt nice.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey y'all. Sorry I got that last chapter in so late, I was fighting w/ my friend and we ended up blocking each other on Fanfiction so I was very occupied last night. She was being a total b*tch to me, and I don't know why I was wasting my time on her. Anyways, I hope you read the bold on the last chapter. Crazy stuff huh? Some interesting things with Loki will happen in this chapter so I want you all to be very aware of where this story might be headed. Enjoy!**

** -Muse360**

I awoke to Thor's smile. Clint had just finished talking to me and Captain America was sitting and listening intensely. He smiled at me when I told him about the time I chopped off Sif's hair, but all of that faded away when I opened my eyes. I wanted to keep dreaming, in fact; I never wanted to stop. I wanted to live in the false reality of making peace with Midgard.

Thor dragged me out of bed. I didn't want to leave the warmness of the sheets or the comfort of his arms around me, but I had no choice. I dressed and stalked over to the breakfast table, never meeting my father's eyes or the eyes of Thor's friends. I ate silently; nervously. It was much better than prison food but still I felt sick from the night before. I could tell my mother wanted my attention, but I didn't give it to her. I kept my eyes fixed on my food.

"Loki." My mother finally began. I had no choice but to meet the warm hazel eyes filled with concern.

"Yes your highness?" I could see the hurt on her face, like she knew I was no longer familiar to her.

"You have not said a word. Are you feeling alright?"

"There is nothing to say your highness." I told her. "I am feeling fine, thank you."

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Sif whisper something into Thor's ear. My brother nodded. Heimdall's eyes were focused on me too, but his were suspicious as if I were up to something sinister. I ignored him, he wasn't worth my time.

"Loki." My father spoke up. "I have received word from Laufey; he is indeed waiting for you." I clenched my fork tighter.

"And what? Does he have his army of Frost Giants waiting for me too?" I asked bitterly. "Does he wish to prove my weakness so he can cast me out just as he has done before?"

"No, he doesn't he-."

"ENOUGH WITH THE LIES!" I yelled, slamming my fork on the glass plate. "DO YOU HONESTLY EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE YOU?" I couldn't hide my anger any longer. "The All father, Odin, the very man who threw me in prison in the first place." I said through clenched teeth. "Expects me to trust him-,"

"Loki." Thor stopped me, "Please."

I swallowed all the hateful words I was going to say to Odin and instead said. "I'm sorry."

* * *

I heard the quiet arguing between my parents as I left the dining hall after breakfast. I could tell it was bothering Thor so I asked, "How much dark energy will we have to conjure up to get us to Jotunheim?"

"A lot." He sighed. "It may be dangerous."

"It's not something you haven't done before." I told him with a slight smile.

"Tis true, however I only went by myself, not with two others." He sighed. "I am worried."

"I just don't trust Odin." I blurted.

"Why is that? He is not out to get you, brother." Thor explained.

"That's B.S. Thor, he's planning something I'm just not too sure what." I spat. A palm found its way across my face, hard.

"How dare you say that about Odin!" Sif yelled. Thor grabbed her wrist.

"Sif, do NOT touch him! This is your last warning!" My brother stood in front of me. I used to find his protective nature annoying, but now I was beginning to love it. Even his name sent a wave of comfort over me, Thor; The God of Thunder. I wasn't even focused on what he was yelling at Sif, I was studying his face thinking about how much I loved it; loved him-, I stopped myself. Loved him? After all this time could I actually say that I loved my brother again? Was it love? Or was it something else? Admiration? I couldn't quite figure it out yet.

* * *

Jotunheim, dark, cold and depressing. This was definitely a place you would want to give birth to your child. I was dressed normally versus Thor and Sif who were both bundled up in heavy jackets. The cold didn't bother me, I embraced it. I loved it; if I could make it winter year round on Asgard, I would. The ground was completely iced over and the below zero temperatures nipped viciously at my face. There was a castle in the distance, which I assumed belonged to Laufey.

I started off, but Thor grabbed my arm. "What will you tell Laufey when we get there? I hope you know that he will most likely try to kill me."

I hadn't thought about that. "I won't let him hurt you or Sif." I told him. "I promise, but you will have to trust me."

"I would love to trust you, Loki." Sif said. "But it's hard."

"I know." I sighed. I could see my breath in the ice cold weather. "But you don't have a choice here."

We marched over to the distant castle, I had Thor's arm in mine for both that protective feeling and because I might have been getting a little cold with all the blizzard wind blowing around. I felt out of place here even though I should've felt in charge. We trekked through the snow unsure about what would happen. Would Laufey be happy to see me? Perhaps this was all a trap to kill Thor. My stomach twisted at that thought. I couldn't let my brother die. He was my only hope and I would be completely lost without him.

Then came that feeling again, was it truly love? Did I love him? Or was there something more than just a sibling-type love? Was I _in_ love with him? Even after these two years? I didn't want to think about it anymore, I was psyching myself out enough going to Laufey's castle and thinking about what he'd do.

* * *

**So what did y'all think about that? Poor Loki, he's so lost he can't even identify his own feelings! Please Review/Follow/Favorite, do whatever just let me know you are reading this. Also in a few days I will be creating a community; it will be Avengers/Thor/Loki focused so if you think you have a story that belongs there, **_**please**_** PM me and I will get back to you ASAP! Thanks!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Man, today has been **_**very**_** boring. I have been PMing people like crazy and I assume I don't have more followers because most of you are busy on Saturdays. Well don't you worry; I will not be on at all tomorrow! So, enjoy this chapter and don't worry about having to read the next one on Sunday. How did you like the last chapter? As you can see, there is lots of love left in Thor for his brother. Please let me know how you felt and, remember, the course of this story can change at any minute so if slash is not your cup of tea, don't panic. **

_By the time we reached the castle, it was nightfall. The temperature had dropped drastically and I could no longer feel my face or my hands and the tips of my fingers were purple. I looked up at the giant wooden door.

"Are we supposed to knock or something?" Sif asked impatiently.

"I don't know." I answered, and not a moment too soon, the door scraped open and to my surprise there were no frost giants, just what appeared to be his personal assistants. They were no older than teenagers.

"Please come in." One of them welcomed. I hesitated, looking at Thor who grabbed Mjolnir by his side.

I eased inside the colossal building scanning it for any traps or hidden frost giants.

"Hello, son. My have you changed. What has Odin done to you?" A voice greeted, it was raspy and sent chills up my spine. Thor was about to start swinging Mjolnir around when I grabbed his wrist; stopping him.

Laufey, probably the most evil thing I'd seen in my life. His eyes were blood red and horns sticking out of his head. He looked like the blue version of the devil; if that's what the devil looked like. The black markings on him ran across his head and face.

"Alright Laufey, I'm here." I held my hands out to my side, hopefully tricking him into thinking that I was vulnerable. "Now, what do you want?" I felt the anger and betrayal rise up in my chest.

"I just want to talk." He replied. "Please tell Mr. Odinson to put his hammer away."

"It's alright Thor." I soothed. He looked into my eyes, his filled with hostility and uncertainty. "Just put it down for the time being." He complied, attaching it to his belt.

"Protective? Over the brother that nearly destroyed the planet that was supposed to be under his protection?" Laufey chuckled. "What has gotten into you Asgardians?"

"Shut up." Thor snapped.

"What do you want to talk about?" I continued.

Laufey just smiled.

In any other circumstance, Mjolnir would have moved its way from Thor's belt to Laufey's face in an instant, but instead, there we were in front of the furnace with a cup of steaming water in our hands, and our choice of tea.

"What if he poisoned it?" Sif asked, smelling the packet of tea.

"I guess we'll find out." I shrugged and took a mouthful of the hot drink.

"I don't believe he'd do something as cowardly as poison us with tea." Thor told her; then took a drink himself.

"If I die, it's your fault." Sif announced as she took a sip.

Laufey than came in with the three teenagers who presented themselves in front of me, two boys and a girl. "I believe they have not properly introduced themselves, this is Fenir, Reistren, and Astrid. They are your children."

I choked on the tea going down my throat. "I don't have children." I coughed out.

"Are you sure about that?" Laufey raised an eyebrow.

"Brother-," Thor began.

"No! I swear I don't have any children!" I protested. "He's making it up!"

"Actually I'm not." Laufey started. "They are a spawn of your essence."

"How?"

"Remember that girl you dated back when you were twelve." He asked. "She was a spy for me and I convinced her to convince you to bed her and when she returned to me, she was pregnant."

I put my head in my hands. I wasn't going to hear the end of this from Thor.

"TWELVE?!" Thor yelled. He slapped my neck. "Loki, I cannot believe this!"

"Well neither can I." I shot back.

"I'm still not getting over the age…twelve. How does that even happen?" Sif added. "Are you crazy? How unsupervised were you?"

"Obviously _very_ unsupervised." Astrid said.

"Where is the mother?" I asked.

"Dead." Reistren answered. "She died almost ten years ago."

"Oh my god." I sighed. "I am so sorry."

"Not your fault." Astrid shrugged.

"So you guys are triplets?" Sif asked.

Reistren nodded. "And Odin's sorcery saved us from looking like him." The teen thrust a thumb towards Laufey.

I couldn't believe it. I had children and all these years nobody cared to bother me about it. I just stared at my offspring wondering why I couldn't have figured this for myself. Thor was ranting on and on but I didn't even hear a word he said. I was captured by the absolute beauty of my three children. It brought tears to my eyes. I got up and touched each one of them, just to make sure they were real, and they were.

* * *

**Yep, DeviantART is officially pissing me off. I need to find an expert. ._.  
**


	6. Chapter 6

**It's been an awful three days for y'all I know. I'm sorry, the state of Texas requires that you do a "summer reading project" if you are in advanced placement (AP) English. It sucks and I've been working so hard that I have neglected you guys. Please forgive me. In the meantime, I've also been shopping for school clothes.WARNING: There is YAOI in this chapter. Don't like? Don't read.  
**

* * *

I was uneasy and not able to sleep well, not even wrapped tightly in my brother's arms. He was snoring away and I was still awake with the image of Astrid in my head. I shifted slightly to get more comfortable, but woke Thor in the process. "Loki, why do you keep moving?" he mumbled. "We must sleep."

"I can't!" I exclaimed. "Would you be sleeping if you found out that you had children you never knew about?"

He sighed. "I am sorry I yelled at you the way I did. It just never occurred to me that you were bedding maidens at twelve."

"I only bed one!" I told him. Lifting my head so I could look him in the eyes. "One Thor, because she convinced me that I could make it right to her if I did."

"I know, I remember that fight." He told me. "You were the maddest I had ever seen, I think because you honestly loved her."

"I did." I stated.

He was silent. The light from the three moons illuminated the electric blue eyes I had gotten so used to looking into. Thor stroked my cheek gently with his finger. I closed my eyes; I couldn't help myself. It was comforting in every way I saw fit.

"Loki."

I opened my eyes wondering if he was going to force me back to sleep, but instead he pulled me towards him. My heart raced as his lips became inches away from mine.

"Yes?" I asked softly.

"You need to forget your past. You have no other choice." He whispered. "It's tearing you apart, and I cannot stand to see this happen to you."

"I'm trying." I told him, and with that, he closed the gap between our lips, kissing me affectionately. I couldn't quite understand the feeling that cascaded across my chest.

I tried to find an explanation, any explanation at all, but I couldn't. Had he always felt this way about me or is this something new. Perhaps I was over thinking this and it was nothing at all. Maybe it was a joke or maybe I was just dreaming. And if I were dreaming, why about this? It must be a sign, a sign that I was truly in love with him.

He pulled away. I couldn't say anything; I was still confused; thinking this may be the alternate reality that I dream of so often.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"Was that real?" I must have sounded like an idiot.

"Yes." Thor chuckled lightly. "That was real."

"But why?"

"I don't know." He replied. "Something told me to do it."

I felt so ecstatic, I wanted more; I had to have more of him.

"This is forbidden." I said, surprising myself that I even cared about the rules.

"I know. I'm sorry; I don't know what came over me."

I didn't care, I craved for more. This time I forced his lips against mine gently playing with the locks of blonde hair between fingers. He hummed quietly, yet pleasantly against my lips.

"We have to sleep Loki. We know not of what will happen tomorrow." He told me when we parted.

I nodded and sighed in agreement. He pulled me close to him as I laid back down. The warmth of his chest against my back was enough to make me comfortable beyond the chilling temperatures of the room. Thor positioned his chin in the crook of my neck and threw a protective arm around my waist. That night I got the most restful sleep I had gotten in a long time.

* * *

I awoke to light kisses on my jaw line. I smiled, "Good morning Thor."

"Good morning." He replied. "Laufey is calling us to breakfast."

I yawned. "Now?"

"Yes," He answered, but not without dragging me out of bed first. "Get dressed."

Usually I would have a huge problem with Thor being in the same room as me while I was changing, but now it bothered me no more than Hogun's tall tales about Niflheim. He gently grazed my back with his thumb sending goose bumps down my arms. He kissed my neck which didn't startle me but it was sensual enough to make me feel the pleasure in other places.

This was surreal, little girls dreamed about this kind of thing in their sleep and it he was right here, and I was in his arms. I turned my head and met his lips, closing my eyes for the first time and enjoying it.

"Thor-,"

The voice made us jump. Sif stood, eyes like sausages, and absolutely speechless.

"I can explain-," Thor began.

"Don't." She put her hand out to stop him. "I'm not too sure I want to know."

"You don't." I agreed, "It's a quite compelling story if you ever hear it though." I smiled.

"Quiet Loki!" My brother snapped. "Can't you see how much trouble we're in?"

I shrugged. "I'm used to trouble, and after all Sif is very good at keeping secrets right Sif?" I glared at the maiden, silently warning what would befall of her if she told a single soul.

"Right." She swallowed hard. I knew her heart had just shattered and I couldn't possibly understand the amount of confusion, betrayal and anger that she was feeling.

* * *

How did you sleep?" Laufey asked us.

"Fine, thank you." Sif answered politely.

"I'm pleased to hear that." The king smiled.

Astrid stared at her plate of food, I knew something was bothering her, but I did not know her well enough to ask. Her brother spoke to her quietly, like he was trying to re-assure her of something.

* * *

We were called back to Asgard abruptly; we would have to leave at first light tomorrow morning.

In the meantime, Laufey spent the day telling me about my mother and answering the thousands of questions that I had. Thor was trying to talk Sif out of being angry with him, but from what I could see, it was no use. She yelled at him until tears streamed down her face and Sif hardly ever cries either.

I couldn't quite grasp completely what was going on with Astrid until I heard the word "grandchild" fly out of Laufey's mouth. Astrid was pregnant. I didn't want to cry, but I couldn't help it. Here I was with my daughter who I had never met and it suddenly dawns upon me that yet another being would share my bloodline. It was the most emotionally disastrous day I could recall in a while. Not to mention, I had just gotten out of jail yesterday.

"You should have left me in jail." I sniffled to Thor.

"What good would that have done?" He asked.

"Well for starters I wouldn't have fallen in love with you. Not that I regret that, but it has destroyed your relationship with Sif." I told him. "And secondly, I think it would have done me good if I hadn't found out about my children."

"I disagree." Thor said. "This is life-changing for you, and I hope that you will approach situations with a better mind set. Sif will forgive me eventually; she just needs to try to understand our relationship first." He kissed my tear-stained cheek.

"I can't believe how fast this is happening." I announced. "Just yesterday I was dreaming about you and I; wondering why I felt this way about you."

He sighed. "It's been a very painful two months for me brother. Do you think I enjoyed seeing you locked up the way you were? I loved you long before this Loki." He stroked my hand; planting a kiss on my temple.

I knew not what would become of me or Thor after this. Perhaps Odin would spare me the punishment for having children before the age of eighteen. Maybe mother would never find about Thor and I, her heart would break. I knew Odin would banish Thor back to Midgard and I would most likely be sent back to prison to think about my actions if this secret got to the wrong ear. For now, I closed my eyes listening to Thor's heartbeat against my head.

* * *

**Interesting chapter huh? Please review and be aware that there might be some mature content later on in the story, but for now it 's pretty mellow.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Another chapter! WARNING: YAOI  
**

* * *

I begged Laufey to let me take Astrid and my sons to Asgard with me but he refused, saying that I would not be ready to deal with a teenage pregnancy. Besides, Odin had forbid that I bring anyone back other than Thor and Sif.

I forced myself to sleep, and dealt with the consequences of nightmares. I woke up in a cold swat in the middle of the night, only startling Thor who grabbed his hammer and yelled, "Have at thee, beast!"

"Thor!" I jolted up. "It's just me." He must have been having some strange dream as well.

"Oh, my apologies brother." He lowered Mjolnir. "What troubles you?"

"Nothing, just random nightmares." I sighed. "Like usual."

"Oh, I was dreaming of Ulik again."

I laughed. Ulik was the troll who always bothered Thor and Volstagg. Ulik had become less threatening and more annoying.

To sleep I fell again with Thor's fingers tangled in mine.

* * *

Day break came faster than either of us had wanted. Sif packed and refused to look at either of us as she did. It irritated me to the point where I yelled at her and told her to quit feeling sorry for herself. That did not end well for me.

"What happened to your face?" Reistren asked me.

"Sif." I answered. The young man glanced at her and nodded as if he understood. "So, you really have to go huh?"

"Unfortunately yes." I answered. "I am sorry."

Fenir shrugged, "We've lived all our lives without you. We can handle it a little longer."

Guilt welled up inside me. Astrid had her arms crossed over her stomach almost as if that would protect her unborn child. I pulled her into my arms kissing her temple. "You'll be alright." I comforted. "I'm not leaving for good." I felt the hot tears run down my neck.

"What am I going to do with a child?' She asked. "The father is dead. How am I going to explain that to a child?"

"At that point he or she will understand that they are without a father. Therefore you need to find a father figure to replace him." I told her. "Odin was not my father, but he was a father figure so I didn't think twice. Whatever you do though, don't wait to tell him or her because if you wait until they are an adult, they'll end up like me."

Reistren giggled a little, and then stopped when Laufey shot him a look.

"No, it's ok. It is quite humorous when you think about it." I told him. 'I should've just accepted it and moved on instead of attempting to rule Midgard with an iron fist." More giggles.

"When will you come back?" My daughter asked me.

"Hopefully soon, I'm not sure why Odin called us back so suddenly." I told her. "Don't worry, I'm not abandoning you."

"Wait, so does this make Thor our uncle?" Fenir asked.

"Not by blood, but otherwise yes." I answered. Astrid let go of me wiping tears from her cheeks.

"So did you really chop off Sif's hair in her sleep?" Reistren raised an eyebrow in curiosity.

I smiled. "Story for another time, son." I tried my best to ignore the glare Sif was giving me which intensified as Reistren asked me that.

* * *

**Midnight: Asgard; Thor's POV**

Somebody needs to build a new Bifrost Sif griped as she threw her luggage on the ground. "This dark magic crap pisses me off."

"A lot of things piss you off." I snapped. Her continuous complaining was starting to get the best of me.

"You're right, and now more things irk me than usual." She spat.

"Let me guess, you're still mad about Loki and I?"

"Why shouldn't I be?" She asked.

"Because you are my best friend and I have the expectation that you would forgive me." I told her.

"I would have forgiven you if it were anyone other than your own brother." She said.

"Are you jealous or just upset that I'm committing incest?"

"A little bit of both." She answered truthfully. "How could you possibly love him the way you do?"

"I don't know Sif, I can't explain it." I sighed. "I just feel…closer to him than I've ever felt before. You have to understand that Loki has been none other than a distant friend up until the last two months. Is it a crime to be overjoyed that he is back in my life?"

"No, but tricking yourself into thinking that you're in love with him and committing incest is!" She rose her voice indicating that she was about to snap.

I couldn't take it anymore; I slammed my fist down on the table. "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING SO QUIT PRETENDING THAT YOU DO!" I yelled as loud as I could.

"I DON'T UNDERSTAND?! I HAVE BEEN THE DOORMAT FOR YOUR EMOTIONS THOR! ALWAYS I HAVE BEEN! AND NOW THAT I FINALLY TELL YOU HOW I FEEL YOU WALK AWAY FROM ME AND PRETEND IT DOESN'T MATTER!" She yelled back tears streaming down her face. "All I ever wanted was for you to acknowledge me and my emotions!"  
"I'VE TRIED! YOU JUST GET PISSED AT ME!" I didn't even notice that Volstagg and Heimdall were in the room. "MAYBE IF YOU WEREN'T SUCH A BITCH ABOUT EVERYTHING-,"

Sif slapped me clean across the face. "HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT!"

I summoned Mjolnir but Volstagg grabbed me and Heimdall grabbed Sif, pulling us apart I was so caught up in swearing at her that I didn't notice the curious yet fearful look in Loki's eyes as he stood quietly next to my mother. I assumed they heard the yelling.

"What has gotten into you two?" Volstagg asked.

"Nothing." I shook him off and lowered my hammer. I glanced at Loki trying to re assure him that everything was alright, but I had clearly frightened him.

I pushed him against the wall in my room kissing him. Loki had his arms around my neck, giving into every way I touched him.

And so, I gave myself to him which would have been a mistake in Sif's eyes but to me it was necessary. I listened to every light moan and sigh that came from his mouth as we made love. It made me more passionate about him and every dream I had ever had about him came to life that night.

* * *

**Oh my goodness you guys, I am so excited about the new dog my family is getting! She is a Great Dane and her name is Katara. My dad is a really big fan of Avatar so that's where we got the name! Check out me on DeviantART I will have pictures of her by tomorrow for sure. I am Muse360 on DeviantART too so you will be able to find me. :) **

**Please Review!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello everyone it's been three days I know, I've been super busy doing things like taking care of a Great Dane puppy. My gosh, those things are so much work. Totally worth it though! She's the cutest ting ever! You can check out pictures of her on my dA; just search Muse360 and she'll be on my featured deviations; front page on my profile. **

**Anyways, enough about the dog, this is the last chapter. Enjoy!**

**Morning: Asgard. Loki's POV**

* * *

As soon as I awoke, I felt the guilt fall upon me. I knew I shouldn't have let this happen. Maybe I really wasn't in love him the way I thought I was.

Thor quietly rose beside me. "I'm sorry about last night." He said quietly. "I didn't mean to take you the way I did." He kissed my cheek.

I nodded. "I know. I guess I thought it was the right thing to do."

We sat in the quiet trying to make sense of what had happened to the both of us.

"We don't speak of this." I told Thor.

"Ever." He agreed.

Morning was awkward with Sif glaring us down and Volstagg who knew something was up and wouldn't stop staring at us either.

"Thor, Loki? Is there something wrong?" My mother asked us.

"No ma'am." We answered at the same time, which probably just raised her suspicion even more.

* * *

Thor was to return to Midgard, but this time he was to bring me. Somehow the brat Nick Fury had sent a spy to Jotunheim. I wondered if my father Laufey knew about it and was sworn to secrecy.

This irritated me to a level where I couldn't function properly. I was always on edge and every little sound or movement bothered me. I was constantly snapping at Thor; then apologizing when the hurt in his eyes became clear. I wasn't sure I was ready to go to Midgard just yet. It was a bit of a long shot emotion wise, would I fall apart when I see the Avengers?

I nervously paced around as Thor explained to Sif what would happen. She didn't seem to care about anything other than the fact that I keep to myself. She was beginning to get cold to Thor, she was shutting him out and I feel awful that it was my fault. I wanted to tell her the truth, but I'm not too sure she would understand our relationship.

I found the dark portal quite menacing as it usually was, but today the portal was more menacing than usual. Thor took my hand and we bid farewell to our father and mother. It wasn't easy. I knew this was the final step to my redemption and something about that scared me. I almost wanted to crawl back into my cell and curl up into a ball where I knew I was safe and free from judgment.

I held my breath until the sunlight hit my eyes. We were on top of the Stark Tower. I could actually see Tony through the window. He was laughing at Clint. My breath started to shorten. I silently hoped he wouldn't see us; then Thor knocked on the glass.

"You idiot!" I yelled. "They weren't supposed to see us!"

"Brother, they are the only way we have access to Fury at base." He argued.

"I don't care! Do you know what you've just done? They're going to attack me then throw me back into that cage and keep me there until I die because in their minds, I'm still a lunatic! Thor, do you think before you act?" I continued, not noticing that the glass door had slid open.

"Loki." A voice stopped me.

Tony stood, actually smiling. "Chill out, will ya? We've been expecting you."

I was dumbfounded for a moment, than said. "No! I will not 'chill out' and who told you I was coming?"

"Fury." Clint stood behind Tony.

"That worthless imbecile!" I muttered angrily.

Captain America laughed a little. "Look, we've seen what you've accomplished and if you're ready to make it right, then we are ready to move on. This _country_ is ready to move on. Do you know how many lectures we've been forced to concerning you? America didn't want another 9/11, but it happened and we refuse to be stuck loathing about it for six years."

"Which is how long it took us to get over 9/11 for the most part." Clint added.

I didn't know what to say. I remember dreaming about this type of thing, I didn't think it would actually happen. I just wanted to make it right, honestly. I was sick of being the bad guy all the time, it takes so much out of you and all you get back is hatred.

I felt the tears burning in my eyes, like liquid fire. I struggled to keep them back. "There's no way you guys would give me a second chance. I've killed too many people, destroyed too many lives. I've manipulated lied and cheated, there's no way." I shook my head. "You could never forgive me."

"Well, there is." Tony countered. "SHIELD wants to recruit you. What could be better than two extremely powerful Norse Gods that just happen to be brothers?"

"No, this must be another one of my dreams. Something must have happened when we crossed the dark matter." I said. "This can't be-,"

"Loki." Thor tried to catch my attention, but I blabbered on and on hoping I would wake up at some point. Maybe if I hurt myself or got somebody to hurt me I'd wake up. Perhaps I was just hallucinating or maybe I was looking at my only heart's desire as I died somewhere in the unknown.

"LOKI!" Thor finally yelled.

"What?!" I snapped. "You talk of forgiveness, but I don't deserve it."

"Loki, I think you're the only one here with forgiveness issues." Tony stated. "Look, you have to forgive yourself first before you can accept our forgiveness."

Bruce stood quietly against the glass, watching me curiously.

I looked around at their faces, trying to find an ounce of dishonesty, but I found none.

Thor put a hand on my shoulder, "Well, I think I can finally say welcome to Midgard, brother, the land of the mortals."

* * *

**Yay! So in case there's any confusion that is the end of the crazy intimate relationship between Thor and Loki. You can read the rest of what happens on ****"There's Nothing Super About It."**** This is my first avengers Fanfiction and it is in the POV of Cypra, Nick Fury's niece that nobody but Tony knew existed. I encourage reviews! My next fic will be an IronShield fic, which is also a sort of prequel to my first one, but Tony and Steve's POV. Thanks for reading!**


End file.
